October 15, 2024
I bit my tongue today
Fought back the words I wanted to say until my jaw hurt and my teeth glistened red.
I hid the envy on my face
As I watched others doing what I have been clawing my way towards.
I sat quietly and politely
Even as my legs twitched incessantly, and my fingernails left crescent moons in my kneecaps.
I wish the pill was easier to swallow,
And it does go down easier every time.
But that chalky, unpleasant after taste takes longer to wash away.
I force up a "congratulations" and mean it,
But I still feel bitter
Empty
Defeated.
I know it takes time,
And lord knows I have it.
Maybe the jealousy will dissipate by then.
Dear god I hope so.
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